Today I did it. Again. I started working out. I worked out this morning to the “Great Abs Guaranteed” video from Beach Body. It’s not much, only 7 minutes, but its more than I do on most days. (Does anybody out there have the “Hip Hop Abs” DVDs from Beachbody they’d like to trade? I’d say sell, but I have no cash.) It never seems to fail though that something gets in the way; either my feminine problems or getting the flu or throwing out my back get in the way. I haven’t been able to make it past the three week mark on my last three attempts at working out daily.

Supposedly, experts say, if you do something regularly, in this case daily, for three weeks straight it is bound to become a habit. They must not know me very well. I don’t know if it’s the lack of results, setting my expectations too high, not knowing how to lose weight or what that leads me to failure.

As far as diet goes, our family eats a very good diet, I think. Lots of vegetables, moderate on the meat portions, and fried foods and we keep eating out to a minimum. I’ve tried to eat smaller portions more frequently, count calories, eat only salads, but I end up extremely hungry, craving sugar and binging like a pig. It sucks. I think if I could eliminate my craving for sugar I’d be much better off. My brother and mother are unable to eat sugar in any form because of an extreme life threatening allergy. When my brother finally realized it was the sugar in his food that made him sick he cut it out completely. He lost 25 pounds within 2 months. This rather unkind biological failsafe keeps him from having a sweettooth. I am fortunate, and at the same time unfortunate, to not have this type of shock therapy built in.

I’m 5 feet 2 inches tall and 50 pounds overweight. Even losing 50 pounds would put me only in the upper portion of my ideal weight range. Pregnancy made my body go through a rollercoaster. At first I lost 20 lbs. then I gained 30 by the end of the pregnancy. Immediately, I lost 20 and was left with a lovely jelly belly and saggy butt to match. The butts not so saggy anymore, but whatever fat (30 lbs.) I’ve gained went to fill in the streched out belly I didn’t have the energy to work on the first 6 months of my daughter’s life. Now every time I look in the mirror I feel utter disgust. My husband can’t help but make me cry. The stress of the extra weight is really starting to hurt my back, hips and knees and I don’t know what to do. I want to be able to play with my little girl without pain. The discomfort I feel when I put my clothes on merely distresses me more because I don’t have the money to buy more clothes. Not to mention that would make me feel like I’d given in.

If there is anyone out there reading this that has succeeded in losing 20 or more pounds please share with me what you did. I know there has to be a way to not feel painfully hungry and still more unhappy while trying to get healthy. If you have any filling, healthy recipes that helped you lose weight, please, please, share them with me. I need all the help and encouragement you can give.

The last thing I want to do is to follow the destructive path I followed as a teenager when the boys would call me “thunder thighs” and chubby. Looking back at pictures I realize now that though I was not a size 0 I was a healthy, beautiful size 8 that I’d love to be again.